Hey Cuties,
Every year when my birthday comes around, I think to myself
who have I been this past year, did I stay true to what I expect of myself? Did
I set good examples for those around me? Have I made a positive difference in
anyone’s life? Did I do any good this past year, did I grow, and did I learn? I
have been reflecting back on the year and answering my own questions.
I have always been one to hate change. I am not good at it,
so when my life forces me to make changes, I have a really hard time and I struggle.
When people enter my life, I love it. I love meeting new people and forming new
connections with those around me. I love being closer to people and getting to
know their hearts and souls. When people leave my life, I can hardly stand it.
I have a hard time realizing why that needs to happen, whether it be a friend,
or family member, or simply just an acquaintance. Change is inevitable, it is
the only thing that I feel like in our lives that is consistent. We are
constantly changing, growing, learning, accepting, letting go, realizing, and
simply loving. As much as I don’t love change, I love the growth, and the
learning. I love to learn new lessons in my life, whether they hurt me, or they
help me, there is always growth and learning. So for that I am grateful, for
that reason, I will deal with change.
This year has brought so many hard changes, the hardest
changes so far in my life. I have had a harder time accepting why they all
needed to happen, and so close together. I am the type of person that if I don’t
understand why a situation happened, it won’t make sense to me and I will keep
myself up all night thinking of different ways that make sense to me as to why
it happened. Just when I will think that I get it, and have understood it, it
will change. Friends have been a crucial part of my life this past year. I have
lost friends that I never expected to lose, and I have gained friends that I
never thought I would. My heart has been tried with dating, and my faith with
this gospel has been tried. My trust has been tried with friends, and my mind
has been pushed to believe, to understand, to trust, to reason, and to accept.
I always have known that The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints is the true church, but this year that took on a whole new
meaning to me. I think I finally realized in my way what that truly means to
me, and how I want to live my life. I realized that I need to be better, that there
is always room to progress and I will never be perfect on this earth, my goal
is to simply follow the example that my brother Jesus Christ has set for all of
us. To become like him, that is our goal. I finally understand what that means
to me, and what I want to do with my life. My one goal is to become like our
Savior. I know that things in this life will never go as planned, but that is
just it. It will never go according to our plan, because it is not OUR plan, it
is His. I am a daughter of a Heavenly King, and he knows what is best for me,
and for all of us. My faith has been restored, and my heartaches are healing. I
am growing into who I need to be.
I am given trials, so that I can grow, trials are just
blessings in disguise. That is the purpose of my heartaches, I will never be
given something that I cannot handle. He will not bring me to a situation if
there is not a way provided for me to get through it. I need to utilize the
Gospel, and anything that challenges my soul to learn, and to grow. I need to
be going to the temple as often as I can, and doing service for everyone
around, who is in need. I need to respect myself in such a way that the Lord
would be pleased if he were standing beside me. I need to set a better example
for those around me, so that they can feel of my light, and the light that
shines through me. Everything that I am, I owe to my Heavenly Father. There is
much to be grateful for. I have so many thanks to share with you.
I am grateful to my birth mother for her decision to love me
enough to let me go. I cannot fathom that kind of love. When I think about it,
I simply cry. There is so much love in my heart for her. She went through so
much pain, just so that I could be born, so that I could have my life. She
truly loved me more than anything else in the world. She believed in me before
she even knew me. She loved me before she even saw me. She sacrificed her world
and her heart for me. My heart is so grateful to this marvelous woman. She
never knew what I would become, but I am sure she hoped for the best. Every
year I have thought about my birth parents around my birthday. I have always
thought, “Would they be proud of the woman that I am today?” “Would they strive
to know me, and truly love and accept who I am?” “Would they be proud of the decisions
I have made, and where I am in my life?” I would like to think that they would
be, and that they would be happy that my life was given purpose, and meaning. That
I grew up to be someone that they would be honored to call theirs. My heart
will always have an infinite amount of love for who they are, and the decision
that my mother made for me to live.
I am grateful to my mommy, for every decision she has made
has always been in my best interest. She has sacrificed so much for our family,
and continues to do so. She is a marvelous woman, a woman of great strength. I
am more than proud to call her mine. She has changed my heart, and my life in
so many countless ways. My family has been everything to me, especially this
past year, we have really grown, and become closer. Let it be known, that Joan
Auger is the strongest, bravest, most compassionate person I have ever known.
She has given me more than I could have ever asked for. I know that the Lord
was definitely looking out for my best interest when he guided us into each
other’s lives. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. Life is hard, and it’s
messy, and it’s painful at times, but I wouldn’t ever want to go through it,
without my family by my side. I am so grateful to you more and more every day
mom, you are truly my best friend, and you always have my back. You have
changed my life in a way that I will never be able to repay you for all of the
blessings you have brought into my life. I love you.
I am so grateful to my wonderful friends, who have stayed by
my side and through the thick and thin have not moved. You have been my light
at the end of the dark tunnel at times. Trusting friends, is hard. Believing
that your friends will always be there became extremely hard for me to believe
in this past year. I really learned those who have my best interests at heart,
and who truly love me. I have been so fortunate to have so many beautiful people
in my life, and to share my experiences with them. I don’t think I quite
understood the phrase “pick your friends wisely, for they will play a big role
in your life.” Until this year. Our friends truly do shape who we are, and who
we are to become. If we do not choose wisely and remember that we should always
be uplifting one another, it could be a heartbreaking outcome. I have been
blessed with the friends I have in my life, and those that have touched my
heart in ways that our infinite.
I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father, for always remaining
constant. He is my foundation, and my rock, the calmness within in me. I am so thankful
for the opportunity that I have to attend the temple, to feel of His love, and
to do service. The Lord has always had my best interest at heart, even when I
haven’t been able to see it. He has never moved from my side, he has always
been right next to me, and for that I am grateful. I am thankful for the
guidance I have had in my life from the sweet spirit. The Holy Ghost, who has
provided sweet whisperings to my heart when I have truly been in need. I am so
grateful to our Prophet who has been the best example to follow. I am most
grateful for my ability to choose and my agency. I have made mistakes in my life, but I have
always been given the opportunity to repent, and change. I am most grateful for
my testimony and to be a member of this beautiful Gospel.
To those who have been disappointed, bare with me. Change is constant, and I will change for the better, and become the best version of myself. Life is hard, and full of mistakes that I will make along the way. There is never room for excuses, but open your heart to change, and to acceptance. Its been a lesson that I know I have learned this year. To know that I have wonderful people in my life who do not judge,and who will stand next to me has been more than I can ask for. I love you all, and you have changed me and my heart.
My year like I said has not been the easiest, but it was
filled with more happiness, more heartache, more love, more disappointment,
more lessons, more mistakes, more understanding, more acceptance, more freedom,
more challenges, more faith, and more miracles than any other year in my life.
I am blessed.
Xoxo, Anna
No comments:
Post a Comment