I've been thinking about the word change, and what it means to me. I feel like change and I have become more acquainted lately. It seems like nothing stays the same anymore, not even for a minute. Every time I start to feel comfortable with something, it changes and I feel like I am thrown back at square one. It almost seems unbearable to do it all over again and again. I started thinking, why does it need to be that way? Why does my heart have to ache constantly? Why do things have to be hard?
Well I've always understood that we have to progress in this life, we have to keep enduring, because that is simply how we learn. We learn earlier lessons in life, so that we can utilize them later with later experiences. Obviously that's the point, right? We learn, we grow, we share, and we return home.
The world is a hard place to live in, it hurts me to be here. To be around the selfishness, the crime, the fear, the pain, and the heartache from those who are lost. It almost seems impossible to get through this stage of life, I find myself trying to picture where I'll be 5 years from now, and it scares me, because I couldn't give you an answer. I know that I will have accomplished goals, but to know how my life will be is something that I couldn't tell you. Does that scare anyone else? Or am I just alone in thinking that.
Relationships can be messy, and each time it seems like it hurts worse. I think the thought of hoping it will finally work and it doesn't is draining. Feeling like you could have done better, or done things differently is not a great feeling. Over-thinking is a sad feeling too, its probably better to just not think about it at all, if you can. Its hard for so many reasons, but I think feeling like there could have been more and the effort or the want disappeared is the hardest part. Looking back and realizing where it went wrong, is like trying to piece together a puzzle that you'll never find all the pieces to. Wishing you had second chances and knowing you'll never get them, hoping that someone changes, or learns to let go, or truly just accepts who they are, are thoughts that cross my mind. The main lesson I have learned in this section of my life, is relying and trusting fully on the Lord. I love Him, and I love that I can feel his love every second of my day. He is so careful with each and every one of his children. He knows our hearts and our desires and he lives to guide us. When those thoughts cross my mind, I tell myself, "its all going to be worth it someday, whether its in this life or the next, it will be." When life gets unbearably hard, you have to turn to Him. The world will try to knock you down, with everything that it can. Our true test is how tightly we hold on to what we know is right, and true.
Change, to me means the progression, the desire to be better, to love more, to accept always, and to let go of what we can not control. My heart is changed, and I know that it will continue to change. I will learn to love deeper, and be more accepting of who someone truly is, I will let go and trust the Lord, because he knows better than I. We have to, as children of our Heavenly Father open are hearts to change, it is inevitable. How you deal with change, and how you react is also part of our test. We must choose to hold even tighter than we though possible, don't let go, even for a second. Time after time your life will change, drastically, or maybe slowly. But it will change, it will ache for something better. We are human, its natural for us to want better. I know that there is better, there has to be. The Lord knows our plan, and He knows that if we stay faithful and obedient to him in every way, that our wants and desires will be that much closer. After pondering this for days, I realized that I truly want to change, to be better. There is always room for improvement. I don't ever want to think "I am done, and the Lord accepts me for who I am." We need to be constantly changing, constantly pushing ourselves to be better, to truly live his commandments. We need to make sure that we are truly following His plan, and not a plan like his, it needs to be his immovable and steady plan.
In a world that is constantly advancing, improving, and changing, we need to look at the basic principles that we have been taught. They will never change, the Gospel will remain steady and sure. It will not wavier, or fail. The foundation of our church will never succumb to the world. The knowledge of this, gives my heart so much joy. To know that the Gospel will not change, that it will remain steady, and that I can count on that, is my safe place, my home. My heart is so deeply entangled with this church, and the love that Christ has taught us to have. I want more than anything, to be like him, to follow his commandments, to do the right thing. To give more than I take, to love more deeply than I thought my heart could handle, to forgive those who seek to do harm, to accept those I don't fully understand. To trust those who seek the goodness in my heart, for the right reasons. With Him, I can overcome anything, I can learn to understand these things, and I will.
Even though its all extremely hard, its worth it now. Its worth it to say that I am child of God, and that he loves me unconditionally. There will be days where it doesn't feel real to hurt this much. There will be days where my heart aches from how much happiness there is in it. Its always going to be changing, and that concept alone, as hard as it is, I love. It brings me closer to Him, it forces me to rely on Him, and only Him. I learn over and over again, that He knows me, and that he wills for my success, as he does yours. If you are struggling, remember that there is hope, and there is comfort in knowing that you are His. That he has your best interests at heart, and that he hears your prayers. Come unto Him, and he will not fail you. If you learn one thing, learn that.
Remember that it is never too late to make things right. Forgive, and understand that even when you can not see it, He can. Let go of the heartaches that you can not change, and accept them as lessons. Love, love everyone as Christ has asked you to. Learn to see people as He sees us. Trust, trust in him, with every single thing that you have. Believe, that something better always comes around the corner. It's hard, but it does, and each time its better. Repent, remember to always be changing, improving, advancing, surprise yourself. I know that you will, there will be moments in your life when you will be amazed with the fact that you just lived through that situation. Or that you just conquered a fear, test your limit, push yourself.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is true.
Keep the faith.
xoxo, Anna
"We should be “loving and compassionate” but we should never allow ourselves to believe that Christ just accepts us how we are. That was never in the program. He’s always asked us to change, to repent, to get better, and to overcome the things that we struggle with. When we quit trying to align our wills with God, and start trying to get God to align His will with ours…that is when we start to lose our way." - Greg Trimble
"To endure to the end, we need to be eager to please God and worship Him with fervor and passion. This means that we maintain faith in Jesus Christ by praying, studying the scriptures, partaking of the sacrament each week, and having the Holy Ghost as our constant companion. We need to actively help and serve others and share the gospel with them. We need to be perfectly upright and honest in all things, never compromising our covenants with God or our commitments to men, regardless of circumstances. In our homes we need to talk of, rejoice in, and preach of Christ so that our children—and we ourselves—will desire to apply the Atonement in our lives. We must identify temptations that easily beset us and put them out of reach—way out of reach. Finally, we need to frequently biopsy our mightily changed hearts and reverse any signs of early rejection." - Dale G. Renlund
No comments:
Post a Comment